


Yes, I'm Serious

by jessielee907



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer
Genre: Bulimia, Cutting, Dom!Calum, Insecure Mikey, Kitten!mikey, M/M, michael POV, sub!Michael, triggering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-14
Updated: 2015-12-14
Packaged: 2018-05-06 17:56:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5426357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jessielee907/pseuds/jessielee907
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Fat. That’s all I am. Fat. I don’t deserve to eat, and I don’t deserve Calum.”  I thought. I stared at the bathroom mirror, as I lifted my shirt up, I’m not buff like Ashton, I don’t have broad shoulders like Luke, and I don’t have Calum’s confidence. I’m useless, all I am is a piece of shit.</p>
<p>And maybe Michael's dinner is going down the drain, and maybe Calum can help him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Yes, I'm Serious

“Fat. That’s all I am. Fat. I don’t deserve to eat, and I don’t deserve Calum.”  I thought. I stared at the bathroom mirror, as I lifted my shirt up, I’m not buff like Ashton, I don’t have broad shoulders like Luke, and I don’t have Calum’s confidence. I’m useless, all I am is a piece of shit.

 

“Mikey! Dinner!” I heard Calum yell. I groaned.

“I’m not hungry Cal!” I yelled back, a frown already set on my face.

“Come down and try!” He yelled, obviously annoyed. I sigh, as I started heading down the stairs, Luke, Ash and Cal were sitting down, Luke and Ash had sat down and already started eating there pasta. (a/n I always choose pasta, idk why.) I sat down and just stared at the plate in front of me, making Calum frown.

“Mike, you have to eat.” He said quietly. Luke and Ash almost done.

“I’m not hungry.” I said.

“Eat half.” He demanded.

“No! I’m not hungry Cal!” I whined.

“Whatever, just stay here.” He mumbled.

 

Soon after Luke and Ashton has left, it was just Calum and I.

“C’mere.” Calum said. I reluctantly got up and walked towards Calum, right when I was about to sit down on the chair next to his he pulled me onto his lap.

 

“Bring your plate here.” Cal said calmly. I shook my head like a child.

“No, I’m not hungry, and I don’t want to eat.” I said.

“Okay, Mikey. I just want you to eat a quarter of the plate.” Cal said, with a frown on his face. I don’t like seeing my lover disappointed in me so I pulled the plate over. It’s okay, it’ll be gone soon I reassured myself. Frowning at the food in front of me, all fat. Calum scooped up some pasta and brought it in front of my face. I opened my mouth freely and started chewing. After feeding me a few more forkfuls he pulled me off his lap.

“There, that wasn’t so bad right babe?” Calum told me, in a childlike tone.

“Yeah...” I mumbled as I trudged up the stairs.

 

I walk back to the bathroom with the things that I dread so much. I kneeled in front of the toilet and stuck my index and middle finger up my throat as all the things I had just eaten comes out. I frown at all the things I’ve eaten. I continue until I’m only gagging and there’s nothing left in my stomach. (A/n this next part needs a #triggerwarning. No. I’m serious trigger warning here.)  I pull out the things that I envy most from the cabinet below the sink. I stared for awhile contemplating if I should do it. Yeah. I’m worthless it will release all pain from the inside. I love seeing the blood. I hate the pain, but the blood is beautiful. I sit down on the tile floor and pull of my pants. Leaving me in just my boxers. I pulled the boxer pants up and sliced. Once. Twice. Three times. I was blinded. I couldn’t stop. That’s when I saw it. There were eight marks, the crimson red blood dripping from each. I smiled in relief when I saw the blood. I’m not a monster. This let’s me know I’m human. The blood was slowly dripping down my legs. I feel the pain now. The pain that I was too numb to feel before. I quickly stand up, making me dizzy and causing me to bleed more. The blood the same colour as my hair. I grabbed some tissue paper and started dabbing at the spot where it was bleeding. The bloods not stopping. It hurts too much. I made a mistake. I regret it the bleeding is terrifying. No! I don’t like the blood. It’s ugly, and scary. Fuck, I messed up. That’s when I noticed it. The sobs coming from my mouth. The tears streaming down my face. The voice calling my name.

“Michael Gordon Clifford!” I finally heard. Cal, he can save me. No, he won’t I’m worthless why would he want to save me. I let out another sob.

“Mikey! Open this door right now!” He yelled, I scrambled up to my feet and unlocked the door, rushing back to the tissue, trying to stop the bleeding. I was starting to see spots and as quickly as it was there. It was gone. Calum was beside me. cleaning up the scars with alcohol. It stung like mad, but I don’t mind. He’s helping me, he’s helping the worthless piece of shit sitting in the corner. After Cal was done cleaning the cuts he got the gauze and pulled my boxers up higher. He wrapped the gauze around and secured it with medical tape. I was still crying, but I wasn’t such a mess anymore. Calum pulled me into a hug.

“Don’t do that again. Tell me if you need something, I’ll help you until you feel better. You have no need to do this.” Calum told me. I nodded.

“Thank you Cal. I love you.” I told him, my voice muffled into his shirt.

“I love you too, now go lay in bed. I’ll be there in awhile.” I nodded, knowing that he’s going to be cleaning my mess. I lay in bed, staring at Calum standing in the bathroom doorway, cleaning the blood from the ground. Finally, he threw the washcloth away and headed my way, sweatpants in his hands. He gave it to me as I weakly pulled it up my legs, with just a bit of help from his.

“I love you, I’m serious.” I said. Looking up at him.

“I love you too.” He said quietly.

“But are you cereal?” I asked quietly, a smile tugging at my lips.

“Yes, Mikey, I’m cereal” Cal chuckled as I snuggled closer to his chest. 


End file.
